Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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