I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
