I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
