he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
