I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
