Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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