yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize