this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
