Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
