She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
