I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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