I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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