no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
This is the prime rib incident all over again
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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