i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Randomize
