just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
