i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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