My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
