We're like a lot better than the average bears
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize