Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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