This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
