If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
and she was petting her beer can
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
