i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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