Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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