you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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