They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
