I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
