It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
