So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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