Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
