I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
