Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i dont even know how to be here
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
