I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
