I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
