mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
