They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
