Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
