there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Vodka?
Forever.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
