i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize