i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize