Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
