I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
