And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
