I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
