and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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