Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
