You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
