...so i touched it.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
