I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
