we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
