it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
