Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
