In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
