Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
