Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
