Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
