when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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