Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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