Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
