Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
