u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
