i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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