I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
