you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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