I wish I only lived at night.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just want to make out with him forever
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
