she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
