my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
