Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
