she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize