you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
