At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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