don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
No subtext here. People are naked.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
